Munene Kilongi

Suffering from obesity? Tired of jogging in circles around your estate while boda bodas chase you like you owe them money? Have you tried managu smoothies, intermittent fasting, or whispering affirmations to your stomach at… Read More »HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT IN KENYA WITHOUT GOING TO THE GYM: A MICROFINANCE GUIDE

I sat next to a man in a pub who cut the image of a lonely figure at a crowded table, surrounded by noisy football fans. Outside, the busy streets—usually teeming with revelers—lay deserted as… Read More »The Road to Singapore: How Betting Became Kenya’s Biggest Employer

In Kenya, to look important, you need a suit and a tie. But if you’re Akuku ‘Danger,’ you don’t need props. Politics in Kenya requires neither manifesto nor shame—only a convoy, a loud shirt, and… Read More »How to Build a Republic Without Stealing:  The Akuku Danger Way

Walk through Nairobi on a Friday evening and you will witness a strange national ritual. Young women glide through the city streets in jeans so tight they look vacuum-sealed. Their bums bop to a rhythm… Read More »Get Rich, Get Laid, Get Lost: Nairobi’s Love Story

Once in a while the nation breaks into a dance that makes the government froth in righteous fury. Deadlines shatter like cheap glass. We brook no rules because we break them anyway. The authorities respond… Read More »Deadlines My Foot, We are Kenyans!

If unga—the nation’s sacred maize flour, the true heir to the throne of Kenyan hunger—decided to run for president now, it would annihilate all frontrunners. Politicians are panicking. Pollsters have been replaced by nutritionists. Both… Read More »If Unga Ran for President, Kenyans Would Starve Politically and Culinarily

It’s morning in Nairobi’s blue-collar districts. Young men and women make their way quietly to the neighborhood pedis house to purchase weed. Posh working-class women and men, young hustlers, mkokoteni pushers, watu wa mjengo, boda-boda taxi operators,… Read More »The Holy Herb and the Republic of Hypocrisy

It is often said, somewhat mockingly, that if you have a problem you should go hug a tree. In Kenya, this advice is no longer metaphorical. It has become a national coping mechanism. A woman… Read More »Hug a Tree, Solve a Problem

.“Akufukuzae hakwambii toka.”He who chases you does not need to say get out. Kenyan proverb. You have been admitted to graduate school in America. Your relatives slaughter a goat. Your mother tells the neighbours her… Read More »How Kenyans fund the US and British Embassies in a mere 60 Seconds