Life in a kakistocracy is not for the faint-hearted. It is a full-contact sport. A live theater production, which is a travelling circus with no refunds and compulsory attendance. One moment, billions evaporate from the… Read More »The Republic of Premium Tears: A Field Guide to Fuel, Fraud, and Faith
Suffering from obesity? Tired of jogging in circles around your estate while boda bodas chase you like you owe them money? Have you tried managu smoothies, intermittent fasting, or whispering affirmations to your stomach at… Read More »How to Lose Weight in Kenya without going to the Gym: A Microfinance Guide
I sat next to a man in a pub who cut the image of a lonely figure at a crowded table, surrounded by noisy football fans. Outside, the busy streets that usually teem with revelers… Read More »The Road to Singapore: How Betting Became Kenya’s Biggest Employer
“What is prudence in the conduct of every private family, can scarce be folly in that of a great kingdom.” — Adam Smith, The Wealth of Nations In Kenya, to look important, you need a… Read More »How to Build a Republic Without Stealing: The Akuku Danger Way
Walk through Nairobi on a Friday evening and you will witness a strange national ritual. Young women glide through the city streets in jeans so tight they look vacuum-sealed. Their bums bop to a rhythm… Read More »Get Rich, Get Laid, Get Lost: Nairobi’s Love Story
Once in a while the nation breaks into a dance that makes the government froth in righteous fury. Deadlines shatter like cheap glass. We brook no rules because we break them anyway. The authorities respond… Read More »Deadlines My Foot, We are Kenyans!
If unga—the nation’s sacred maize flour, the true heir to the throne of Kenyan hunger—decided to run for president now, it would annihilate all frontrunners. Politicians are panicking. Pollsters have been replaced by nutritionists. Both… Read More »“Unga for President! How Maize Flour is Kenya’s Most Trusted Leader (and Other Stories Mispronounced Into History)”
It’s morning in Nairobi’s blue-collar district. Young men and women make their way quietly to the neighborhood pedis house to purchase weed. Posh working-class women and men, young hustlers, mkokoteni pushers, watu wa mjengo, boda-boda taxi operators,… Read More »The Holy Herb and the Republic of Hypocrisy
It is often said, somewhat mockingly, that if you have a problem you should go hug a tree. In Kenya, this advice is no longer metaphorical. It has become a national coping mechanism. A woman… Read More »Hug a Tree, Solve a Problem
.“Akufukuzae hakwambii toka.”He who chases you does not need to say get out. — Kenyan proverb. You have been admitted to graduate school in America. Your relatives slaughter a goat. Your mother tells the neighbors… Read More »How Kenyans fund the US and British Embassies in a mere 60 Seconds
